There’s something about United-Spurs fixtures that has a slightly disconcerting feel to them. It must be that threat of the law of averages catching up with us, with respect to the Spuds. Considering the only game we’ve lost to them ever is from somewhere around the time when Harry Redknapp was actually a cute little baby (I can’t believe I used Harry Redknapp and ‘cute’ in the same sentence), you would think that we should, sometime, before 2012, eventually lose one. Add to that the pressure of this whole unbeaten thing and I felt that feeling that I last felt when I snuck into my department in college to see my final semester grades. Turns out, I needn’t have bothered (which however was not the same case with my final semester grades, but that’s for another day). And thus ladies and gentlemen, I begin venting my righteous anger upon all things that was wrong with the world yesterday – Spuds, Spuds fans, commentators, referees and the early-morning fog in Bangalore.
Meet Jimmy
This is Jimmy. Jimmy is a Chimp. He is 26-years-old and lives in Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. What makes him a special Chimp is that Jimmy, as you can quite obviously see, can paint. In short, Jimmy is a Chimp who can paint. This skill doesn’t make Jimmy a Million Pounds a week, comparisons to the greatest ever footballing chimpanzees and commentators gushing over him and suggesting ‘just get the ball to Jimmy’.
This is Gareth. Gareth is not a chimp. Gareth is 21-years-old and lives in London. What makes him a special not-a-chimp though, is that he can cross. With his left foot. In short, he’s a not-a-chimp, who can cross. I rest my case.
You have to hand it to Spuds fans. It’s about the first time since forever that they’ve had any player who other clubs actually care about. Add to it the fact that they apparently beat a team which are Champions of Europe, but one that we should not forget was managed by good friend Rafa, and they seem to have got really really noisy over the season. I’m all for open competition, a well-contested league and all that but at some point the Spuds have to realize they are just that. Spuds. The man who ‘just miscued that cross’ and ‘took that ball and ran with it wonderfully just before running out of pitch’ all night yesterday couldn’t exactly pull down the trousers of a teenage Brazilian defender (there’s so many things counter-intuitive about those three words together) who was on a Yellow for about 72 minutes of the game. He didn’t get all of the 72, but I’ll come to that in a while.
Chronicles of Harrya: The Chimp, The Droop and the Cockerel
United’s mistake yesterday was exactly the same one as the commentators, the full-capacity White Hart Lane crowd, and the wisely ‘Pundits’ on TV – too much respect. We didn’t go at them like we usually do against the ‘lesser teams’, and hence kept putting ourselves under pressure. There were too many defensive passes and otherwise generally giving up the ball just because Aaron Lennon was practicing his short sprints up and down the touchline. The collective threat of van der Vaart and Bale would just make a worn-out joke in any ballet dance class for 6-year-old girls – the thing about having two left feet.
We had settled for a draw the moment Carrick started in the place of Anderson – Anderson’s impact in an attacking sense was unquestionable from the moment he started. And this is not just another of my Carrick-attacks. I’m fine with him starting at Stamford Bridge, or Anfield for exactly the same reason it’s not okay for him to start at WHL or even the Emirates. Arsenal and Tottenham are teams that you have a go at, and then just sit back and watch them self-destruct. Yesterday we sat back. And did not much more. Hence making the spoof of a Fantasy story that is Tottenham into a much bigger blockbuster than they should be
- The Chimp, The Droop and the Cockerel
Mike Dean
Mike Dean is blind, has nothing on his head or inside it, thinks he’s the daintiest referee in the world when he puts his polished finger to his silly pouted mouth and red cards people for failing to meet him in his hotel after the previous match. Our website is having some issues with our Google indexing because of our ‘content’, and some of the comment threads here have also got pretty unparliamentary that we have considered setting up ‘house rules’ for all our good people, but none of that is going to prevent me from calling Mike Dean a fa***t and a c**t.
I didn’t believe I would ever do this but I think the Spurs just became the most despicable team in all of London, beating Arsenal comfortably and even pipping Chelsea, an unimaginable thought just a few weeks go. It’s nothing they do, really. It’s more of what they don’t/haven’t, and yet act as if they have. Over and over again. Of course, the title of the most despicable team ever still stays very close to us, in Manchester, but for now I am going to join hands with Mr. Wenger, and ask you all to Stand Up If You Hate The Spurs…
