American filmmaker Michael Bay has secured the film rights to Arsenal’s end-of-season collapses, according to reports. Bay, who narrowly edged out Rohit Shetty and the National Centre for Disaster Preparedness to buy the rights, aims to spawn a multi-film franchise replete with ‘destruction on a bat-shit scale’.
“I only regret that I didn’t notice this gold-dust before,” Bay said, pointing towards a video of Arsenal’s defeat to Man United. “I mean, sure, Transformers had some robots and planes, but this shit is mental.”
“I particularly like how the viewer’s hopes are swung about like a yo-yo on mescaline, flirting with Elation before going to second base with Devastation. It’s a roller-coaster narrative that most great works of cinematic art would be proud of. Haha, look at Mertesacker.”
Bay was also impressed with the regularity of mayhem afforded by the match tapes. “I’m given to believe this happens every season! And the chaos is either restricted to the first six months or the second, allowing the audience time to recuperate and make banners from bed quilts.”
“I’m planning to call the first film Le Incredible Sulk. With some CGI touches, I think we have a winner,” Bay said, as a green Wenger with his hands on fire tried to zip his overcoat on screen.