Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has admitted he ‘doesn’t give a fish’s tit’ about the transfer window because he is too busy playing Pokémon Go. The Gunners boss has been seen whipping out his cut-price Xiaomi and scuttling about the London Colney training ground, unmindful of Yaya Sanogo tripping over cones in the corner.
“I only had Splitwise on my phone till now, but this shit is great,” said Wenger. “I love that I can just throw Pokéballs willy-nilly and catch these critters, no transfer fees or pesky agents in sight. To be honest, I only found out Takuma Asano was a real live person when he showed up at my porch one morning.”
Wenger happily spilled the beans on his catch-em-all adventure so far. “I have a level 100 Magikarp and spent a lot of time honing it from callow youth to fearsome beast. It only tackles and splashes, but I’m considering putting it on the left wing.”
“The game asked me if I wanted the Magikarp to ‘evolve’, but I’m not familiar with that word, so fuck it.”