Arsenal fans have started a petition to remove November from the calendar year for football fixtures, it has emerged. The Gunners have historically struggled in November, have a tough set of fixtures looming on the horizon, and the fixtures and horizon can go fuck themselves, according to reports.
Joseph Bantz from the People’s Republic of Arsenal Town Society (PRATS) said: “November is stupid. Not really autumn, not really winter, no one’s even written a song about it. I’m telling you, nothing lasts forever in this cold November rain.”
Professor John Doe from the Federation for Analyzing Footballers and Friends (FAFF) said: “Seventeen serial killers have been born in November across history. Most of them were Arsenal fans.”
Long-time Arsenal supporter Pee. R. Smorgan added his signature on WTFPetition.org and mused: “It all makes sense now. We haven’t won in a while because date and time itself are stacked against us, not because we have brittle players that can’t stay fit and need a shining Sun to string three passes together.”
“Once November is taken care of, we’ll start working on March, Mike Dean, and Manchester United.”